Cop: “Howdy maam, we got a report of a domestic disturbance in the vicinity, mind if we come in for a minute?”

Christianity: “Oh, oh no officer, everything’s fine, really.”

Cop: “You sure? Your neighbour Mr Hebrew reported what sounded like a massive flood, decimating the earth. Is that water on your face?”

Christianity: “Oh, that’s nothing officer. I… I fell over, that’s what it was.”

Cop: “Uh huh, never heard that one before maam, let us in and let’s talk this over.”

Cop2: “I think I found him, he’s hidin’ under the trailer!”

Christianity: “Oh no! Please don’t arrest him, he’s a good god! It’s my fault, I done bad, I pushed him to it, I know he’s got a terrible temper!”

Cop2: “God? I’m going to have to ask you to come out from under the trailer peacefully now, bring your dog with you please.”

God: “His name’s Jesus! He’s a good dog, aintcha Jesus, not like that whore up there Christianity. Bitch had it comin!”

Cop2: “Come on out from under there and let’s talk this out sensibly.”

Christianity: “He’s right, he’s right, I’m a filthy bitch, a dirty sinner, I had it comin’, it ain’t his fault, I drove him to it! I should be more like Jesus, he’s a good dog, always does what he’s told, not like me!”

God: “Dern right woman, I warned you.”

Cop: “Alright, alright, calm down both of you, now what set this off this time?”

God: “Bitch ate muh last apple.”

Cop: “Is that right?”

Christianity: “Yes, but he didn’t make it very clear I wasn’t supposed to.”

Cop: “And eating an apple justifies flooding her and killing nearly all her people does it?”

God: “You damn right, filthy slut doesn’t know how to obey me. I wear the pants in this trailer! I’m the damn boss! Why can’t you be more like Jesus woman? He’s a good dog, aintcha Jesus? Who’s a good boy?”

Jesus: Woof!

Cop: “Right, but this is over now isn’t it? We’re not going to have any more trouble are we?”
God: “So long as the dang woman behaves herself.”

Christianity: “I’ll be good, I’ll be just like Jesus, you’ll see, I won’t do nothin’ to aggravate you!”

God: “Yeah right woman, you don’t know how to behave, you’ll be sinnin’ again in no time, and you know what happens then?”

Christianity: “I have to sit in the hell closet.”

Cop2: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, the what?”

Christianity: “The hell closet. When I’ve been a really filthy sinner he locks me in the closet and burns my feet, he keeps me in there and doesn’t let me out, but I deserve it! I’m a slut! A filthy sinner!”

Cop: “Sweet merciful fate, lady you need psychological help. Torture ain’t right!”

God: “What’s it to do with you? This is my trailer and my bitch! I’ll do what I damn well please!”

*Cops assault and cuff god*

Cop2: “You sick sonofabitch, you’re going away for a long time!”

Christianity: *Crying* No! Don’t lock him up! I deserved it! He’s a good god! I shouldn’t have done pushed him like that!

God: *being lead away* Shuttup woman! Jesus, you watch her now!

*Bad gods bad gods, whatcha gonna do…*


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