A Song (To the tune of Modern Major General)

There’s Abraham who gave us God in forms like Christianity
And Islam, Bahai, Judaic and Baptist-faith calamity
Who whoop and hoot and vote Repub in all of its inanity
And beat and spit on homo sex and call it a profanity

There’s Hindu gods like Hanuman, Vishnu, Krishna and Shakti
To fail to mention Lord Ganesh would really be remiss of me
They fall into a caste that determines what and who will come of thee
And then you end up married to a guy that you will never see

There’s Buddhists in their temples high preaching arch-passivity
But if you’ve seen a Shaolin monk you know how fragile that can be
They teach that life is pain and that attachment is the enemy
But in Tibet their temples are the loveliest you’ll ever see

Sikhs never cut their hair but they always have a sharpened knife
And whirling discs upon their hands that pose a threat upon your life
Still they’re good men upon your side if your Empire’s in a strife
Just don’t count on their good wishes if you ever take a Hindu wife

Far to the East Confuscious say don’t leapfrog with a unicorn
Then there’s Shinto split asunder into many, many forms
There’s Tao that wows with Dao but fails to be so uniform
And then there’s Mao who looks good in his natty little uniform.

In Africa the Catholics cause an AIDS encouraged genocide
And the local faiths kill just as much, ‘witches’-many, they have died
Kids have the hardest time between LRA and being child brides
And religion, I would note, has failed utterly to food provide

There’s Neo-Pagans, New-Age nuts, Asatru Pastafarians
Wiccans, witches, Golden Dawn, Scientology and Raelians
There’s Crystal Wavers, David Icke and worshippers of aliens
And not a one stands up for one mo to study that is Bayesian.

I’ve had a look at every one from angles Utilitarian
I’ve exhausted logic, evidence and words episcopalian

And all of this that I have done forces conclusions but a one…
It’s all a bunch of ‘woo’ and I can live fine without any of ’em.

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